On Sunday morning, 10:42 a.m., our dear friend, Jason, lost his wife, Joyce, to ovarian cancer after a four year battle. Diagnosed in February of 2011, it had been a roller-coaster ride of good to bad to better to worse.
Joyce's death came on the heels of two celebrity deaths: Alan Rickman & David Bowie. She also passed the day before Glenn Frey, founder of the band The Eagles. While I didn't know these three men personally, I felt as if I knew them through their music and movies. My heart broke for the families hurting as Jason's was, and it's been hard to process these deaths as they've landed right on top of each other.
Joyce's battle with ovarian cancer was one of the reasons I started this #ABetter2016 challenge to begin with.
"I thought of my friends who had passed away or whose futures were uncertain - we're always so certain of another tomorrow, another chance, a 'someday,' a day for when we finally 'get around to it.' But none of us are promised tomorrow or this afternoon or this next minute. Why do we constantly put off visiting someone, calling someone, smiling at someone we pass when neither of us know what our futures hold? What if, I thought, I resolve to do something throughout 2016 that will help make the world around me a better place and, by extension, me a better person in the process? Make my 'someday' today. Make today the day I finally 'get around to it.' Take advantage of each of life's moments by living in each moment."
I lost my grandfather in 2003 to a sudden heart attack - one minute he was in his driveway about to do yard work, the next he was gone. When my father called me with the news, all I could think of was how I had treated my grandfather the last time I had seen him the year before.
My grandparents got divorced after forty-two years of marriage when I was in high school, and, being the petty teenager I was, I couldn't forgive them for it. I refused to see past the fact that they were human - they were my grandparents, and I thought the world of them. I refused to call them by the nicknames I'd had for them ever since I was a baby; I refused to give an answering, "I love you" when they said it to me. I could see it in their eyes how much it hurt them. But I was too wrapped up in my own hurt to care.
When I graduated high school in 2002, my grandfather and his new wife had me to their home in Nashville, Tennessee, to celebrate. They treated me like a queen that week. Dinners out, tours of Nashville, a trip to the taping of a New Year's Eve special at the Grand Ole Opry - no matter how horrible I was to them, they just kept showing me kindness. They even gave me their bed and bathroom, insisting they sleep on the hideaway couch in the living room.
Funny, no specific conversation I had with either of them stands out in my memory except one afternoon when my grandfather was cleaning out some papers and showed me a big circle cut out of computer printer paper. On the front of it, he had written, "Roundtoit" in black Sharpie. When I asked what it was, he said, "I decided I had started putting too much off and never came back to projects and relationships. So, every time I say I'll do something 'when I get around to it,' I pull out this circle and remind myself I already have one, and I should seize the moment now."
That was the last time I ever saw him.
I can't remember if I told him, "I love you," when I left.
I sure hope I did.
Joyce, my grandfather, three great talents - all gone too soon, in the blink of an eye. They had things undone, things they still wanted to get around to doing.
So do I.
So do you.
So do it.
Right now. Pick up the phone. Write the letter. Say, "I love you." You might not get another chance, and the lifetime of regret you will feel is not worth the momentary discomfort or stubbornness or aggravation or busy-ness you think is keeping you from it now.
Today's challenge comes straight from Joyce's blog - it sums everything up perfectly:
"Everyone has a choice and you choose how you want to handle a situation and choose how you cope with a situation. No matter how you play the game of life, it’s a risk. I look at the things people complain about, money, relationships, work, friends, and family and just think why are they complaining? Because 95% of the time there is a simple solution. But the “simple” solution is what people fear the most and tell themselves, “It’s just not that easy” or “it’s complicated.” People misconstrue the phrase, it’s just not that easy” or “it’s complicated” when in reality the solution is really just not the most convenient for them and people let the inconvenience dictate their happiness instead of trying hard enough to really change their situation. In life, when you really want something or you really want to change something most of the time it will not be convenient and that is when you find out what you’re really made of. Are you willing to take the risk?"
What did you do today?
