Two years ago, I lost my job as a teacher at a local Christian school.
It hit me harder than I thought it would. My husband was shocked that
the job I came home so often stressed about could cause me that much
heartache. Sure, I was overworked. Sure, the kids could be
disrespectful, lazy, and infuriating. Sure, it got old seeing parents
not being able to accept that their child would get a 0 on an assignment
because they hadn't turned it in. But it was the job I loved to do. It
was what I had spent four years in college training for. It was where I
felt like I was making a difference. When that letter came in the mail,
dismissing me from my duties because the worsened economy made it too
difficult to keep me, I was crushed. This blog was born out of those
feelings: the helplessness, the struggle, the hope.
It was hope that kept me going: hope that a new job, a better job, would open up for me. Of course, I hoped it was teaching, but in those hectic, chaotic days of 2010, I just wanted to pay my bills and would take anything. I put in applications everywhere: every school and preschool in town, administrative assistant, secretary, cashier, nanny, I tried them all. Just as I was about to lose hope, I was hired as a nanny for two beautiful children who lived in South Carolina, a good 30-45 minutes away from where we live in Georgia. The commute coupled with the work load of nanny/housekeeper/cook/taxi driver was very demanding and started taking a toll on my health. When a job as a customer service representative opened up 8 minutes away from home, I leaped at it. It was not in my field, but who needs a degree to answer phones and take orders? It paid the bills. It had insurance. But still there was that hope. Hope that something better was coming. And so two years have passed. Let me tell you something: you can be thankful for your job and not be thrilled doing it. I am a firm believer that God can use us wherever He puts us, but it sure doesn't feel like you're making much of an eternal impact selling wood products all day, getting fussed at by customers because an item they want to be in-stock isn't, or getting fussed at because their credit card won't go through. (In fact, it's rather like dealing with problem students once they're grown up; you just can't put them in detention). But you keep plodding because you have to. You keep going. Our reasons for continuing on are different: sometimes because the only other choice is to lay down and die. But there is always hope. Hope for something better. Hope for the future. Hope that our God hasn't forgotten us. Sometimes it feels like we're barely hanging on, that we're trapped, and that there is no light at the end of a very, very long tunnel. That's when the fight is the hardest. We feel like we're fighting for everything: fighting to keep our heads above water, fighting to stay cheerful, fighting to stay positive, just plain fighting to live. Our hope feels like it's almost gone. Maybe our God really has forgotten about us or thinks we haven't suffered enough yet. Maybe what we think we can bear & what God thinks we can bear are two completely different things. Maybe our dreams will stay just those and never come to fruition. And this is something I truly believe: when God has gotten you to the point that you are resolved to that future (whether it be the one you dreamed of or not), He will rescue you. He may rescue you by removing you from the situation, or He may give you the means to stand up under the trials & tribulations. It's what my husband calls "the death of the dream." We have to get past the mourning for the dream, past the anger that we don't have the dream, past the self-pity that we aren't living the dream. We have to truly be OK with the idea that the dream may never come true, and then God reveals the next step of His plan.
My rescue came in the form of a phone call. A school I had applied to two years ago when I first lost my job contacted me out of a clear blue sky and asked if I was still interested in teaching with them. Two years ago, they didn't have any teaching positions open. Suddenly, there was one. That's all. One. Anyone who has been keeping even half an eye on unemployment statistics in the past few years knows that the market is flooded with teachers right now. Right after my school let go of me and 6 other teachers, another local school let go of 150. A few months after that, the local high school fired all first & second year teachers due to cutbacks in the budget. Several hundred teachers. One position. I could have pessimistically said, "Yeah, right. What are the chances?" and not even tried. But I did. I tried. I stepped out in faith. I had hope. I let the glimmer of the dream raise its head. And I got it. Words cannot describe the relief, the joy, the hope experienced in that moment. I got home that day, and my husband met me at the door. He is my best friend and has been at my side through thick & thin in my job drama. "Did you get it, baby?" he asked excitedly. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but just started crying. Taking my reaction as a resounding no, he started to console me thinking I'd been turned down. I was finally able to hiccup out an, "I got it!" And as he twirled me around the living room, the story came out that it was so much better than I could have imagined: I was offered a job teaching my dream set of classes: senior English, 8th grade English, music, & drama. I would've taken anything, but for me to not only get my dream job but to get to teach every single class I love was beyond comprehension. It gets better: this isn't a regular school. This is a Christian recovery camp for teens in crisis. When their parents don't know where to turn, they send their kids here for a year-long program to get them back on the right track. This isn't just a Christian school in name where you can't tell the difference between them and the public school. Each classroom has a teacher's aide to help with discipline. Discipline is enforced. If a student is disrespectful, instead of an obligatory trip to the principal's office that accomplishes nothing, they do some push-ups, wall-sits, or write sentences. They can learn and recover and discover who God made them to be in this environment. Humorously, when I was offered the job, the administration kept carefully pointing out "negatives" so that I wouldn't have any misconceptions about the job: "The pay isn't as good as public schools..." "That's OK, I've never taught at one so I don't know what they pay anyway." "OK, well, we don't give entire summers off, so there isn't as much time off as you would normally get..." "It's more than the 7 holidays I get off per year now, so anything is an improvement." "Well, we don't really have a classroom for you, so you'll have to float a bit..." "I would teach out in the cow pasture if you needed me to."
And that leads me to my conclusion: I think God allows us to go through times of trials and tribulations so that when a dream is finally realized, it is all the more sweeter. No regrets. No question in our minds. My hiatus from teaching, forced though it was, helped me see that it truly is my calling and my passion. I didn't feel like I was making much of an eternal impact for God's Kingdom fighting with people over whether or not their credit card was declined. But teaching, and teaching where I can actually make a difference in kids' lives for their eternal betterment, is a blessing I never thought I would have again. It was hard. There were times I thought the dream was dead and hope was gone. At times it was just an ember, barely glowing under the ashes, but in God's timing, it burst forth into flame and rose from those ashes to start anew. Please know that, friend: no matter where you are in life, God has you right there for His purpose and for His glory. Hold on to that hope, that dream. He planted it in your heart! He wants to see you rise! Maybe you have a bit more refining to do in that fire; maybe your dream is about to be accomplished right around the corner. Don't give up! What He has in mind is so much better than anything we could have ever dreamed!
This blog is named for a song from the Barbra Streisand movie Yentl, called "A Piece of Sky." In the movie, Yentl, played by Streisand, has gone through many trials and tribulations of her own, simply to be granted the right to study, which is forbidden to her because she's a woman. I highly recommend watching it, so I won't give anything away, but the last song of the movie is one that never ceases to make me cry while at the same time encouraging me on to bigger and better things. This song played in my mind constantly when I first lost my job, and now it plays in my mind again: an anthem of sorts leading me into my new day and new chapter. Please enjoy listening to it below, and remember, even in your darkest time, your Rescuer is right around the corner. He wants to watch you fly.
It was hope that kept me going: hope that a new job, a better job, would open up for me. Of course, I hoped it was teaching, but in those hectic, chaotic days of 2010, I just wanted to pay my bills and would take anything. I put in applications everywhere: every school and preschool in town, administrative assistant, secretary, cashier, nanny, I tried them all. Just as I was about to lose hope, I was hired as a nanny for two beautiful children who lived in South Carolina, a good 30-45 minutes away from where we live in Georgia. The commute coupled with the work load of nanny/housekeeper/cook/taxi driver was very demanding and started taking a toll on my health. When a job as a customer service representative opened up 8 minutes away from home, I leaped at it. It was not in my field, but who needs a degree to answer phones and take orders? It paid the bills. It had insurance. But still there was that hope. Hope that something better was coming. And so two years have passed. Let me tell you something: you can be thankful for your job and not be thrilled doing it. I am a firm believer that God can use us wherever He puts us, but it sure doesn't feel like you're making much of an eternal impact selling wood products all day, getting fussed at by customers because an item they want to be in-stock isn't, or getting fussed at because their credit card won't go through. (In fact, it's rather like dealing with problem students once they're grown up; you just can't put them in detention). But you keep plodding because you have to. You keep going. Our reasons for continuing on are different: sometimes because the only other choice is to lay down and die. But there is always hope. Hope for something better. Hope for the future. Hope that our God hasn't forgotten us. Sometimes it feels like we're barely hanging on, that we're trapped, and that there is no light at the end of a very, very long tunnel. That's when the fight is the hardest. We feel like we're fighting for everything: fighting to keep our heads above water, fighting to stay cheerful, fighting to stay positive, just plain fighting to live. Our hope feels like it's almost gone. Maybe our God really has forgotten about us or thinks we haven't suffered enough yet. Maybe what we think we can bear & what God thinks we can bear are two completely different things. Maybe our dreams will stay just those and never come to fruition. And this is something I truly believe: when God has gotten you to the point that you are resolved to that future (whether it be the one you dreamed of or not), He will rescue you. He may rescue you by removing you from the situation, or He may give you the means to stand up under the trials & tribulations. It's what my husband calls "the death of the dream." We have to get past the mourning for the dream, past the anger that we don't have the dream, past the self-pity that we aren't living the dream. We have to truly be OK with the idea that the dream may never come true, and then God reveals the next step of His plan.
My rescue came in the form of a phone call. A school I had applied to two years ago when I first lost my job contacted me out of a clear blue sky and asked if I was still interested in teaching with them. Two years ago, they didn't have any teaching positions open. Suddenly, there was one. That's all. One. Anyone who has been keeping even half an eye on unemployment statistics in the past few years knows that the market is flooded with teachers right now. Right after my school let go of me and 6 other teachers, another local school let go of 150. A few months after that, the local high school fired all first & second year teachers due to cutbacks in the budget. Several hundred teachers. One position. I could have pessimistically said, "Yeah, right. What are the chances?" and not even tried. But I did. I tried. I stepped out in faith. I had hope. I let the glimmer of the dream raise its head. And I got it. Words cannot describe the relief, the joy, the hope experienced in that moment. I got home that day, and my husband met me at the door. He is my best friend and has been at my side through thick & thin in my job drama. "Did you get it, baby?" he asked excitedly. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but just started crying. Taking my reaction as a resounding no, he started to console me thinking I'd been turned down. I was finally able to hiccup out an, "I got it!" And as he twirled me around the living room, the story came out that it was so much better than I could have imagined: I was offered a job teaching my dream set of classes: senior English, 8th grade English, music, & drama. I would've taken anything, but for me to not only get my dream job but to get to teach every single class I love was beyond comprehension. It gets better: this isn't a regular school. This is a Christian recovery camp for teens in crisis. When their parents don't know where to turn, they send their kids here for a year-long program to get them back on the right track. This isn't just a Christian school in name where you can't tell the difference between them and the public school. Each classroom has a teacher's aide to help with discipline. Discipline is enforced. If a student is disrespectful, instead of an obligatory trip to the principal's office that accomplishes nothing, they do some push-ups, wall-sits, or write sentences. They can learn and recover and discover who God made them to be in this environment. Humorously, when I was offered the job, the administration kept carefully pointing out "negatives" so that I wouldn't have any misconceptions about the job: "The pay isn't as good as public schools..." "That's OK, I've never taught at one so I don't know what they pay anyway." "OK, well, we don't give entire summers off, so there isn't as much time off as you would normally get..." "It's more than the 7 holidays I get off per year now, so anything is an improvement." "Well, we don't really have a classroom for you, so you'll have to float a bit..." "I would teach out in the cow pasture if you needed me to."
And that leads me to my conclusion: I think God allows us to go through times of trials and tribulations so that when a dream is finally realized, it is all the more sweeter. No regrets. No question in our minds. My hiatus from teaching, forced though it was, helped me see that it truly is my calling and my passion. I didn't feel like I was making much of an eternal impact for God's Kingdom fighting with people over whether or not their credit card was declined. But teaching, and teaching where I can actually make a difference in kids' lives for their eternal betterment, is a blessing I never thought I would have again. It was hard. There were times I thought the dream was dead and hope was gone. At times it was just an ember, barely glowing under the ashes, but in God's timing, it burst forth into flame and rose from those ashes to start anew. Please know that, friend: no matter where you are in life, God has you right there for His purpose and for His glory. Hold on to that hope, that dream. He planted it in your heart! He wants to see you rise! Maybe you have a bit more refining to do in that fire; maybe your dream is about to be accomplished right around the corner. Don't give up! What He has in mind is so much better than anything we could have ever dreamed!
This blog is named for a song from the Barbra Streisand movie Yentl, called "A Piece of Sky." In the movie, Yentl, played by Streisand, has gone through many trials and tribulations of her own, simply to be granted the right to study, which is forbidden to her because she's a woman. I highly recommend watching it, so I won't give anything away, but the last song of the movie is one that never ceases to make me cry while at the same time encouraging me on to bigger and better things. This song played in my mind constantly when I first lost my job, and now it plays in my mind again: an anthem of sorts leading me into my new day and new chapter. Please enjoy listening to it below, and remember, even in your darkest time, your Rescuer is right around the corner. He wants to watch you fly.
