My husband & I have been married for almost nine years. To me, that sounds like a drop in the bucket; to some, it sounds like an unbelievable accomplishment. More and more, as the big 1-0 looms on the horizon, I hear things like, You're not getting bored? Seven year itch is nothing compared to ten. How do you all stay so in love? Aren't you curious...?
That last one gets me. Curious about what? What it's like to love someone else? Snuggle with someone else? Sleep with someone else? It always comes back to sex...I'm never asked if I'm curious what it's like to fight with someone else or pay bills with someone else. And isn't it the bond that's formed in the mundane, the way we react in the height of emotion that shows our true character and commitment? Anyone can put on something slinky and act out of raging hormones for an evening of passion. It's who we are when the sun is up, the make-up is smeared, and we desperately need to shave our legs that means more.
My husband, Jon, was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, and...well...you know. Without going into detail, because, frankly, it's none of the Internet's business and my family might read this - hi, Mom -, my husband & I have a wonderful relationship in all areas, including the bedroom. Perhaps it's naivete due to inexperience, but I have not been curious to know what it's like to be with someone else because making sure I'm everything my husband needs me to be is a full-time job. There are so many facets to a relationship that don't include the bedroom that fantasizing doesn't make it on my To-Do List.
And perhaps it was for that reason alone that I was shocked this past Valentine's Day upon walking into the movie theater. We had completely forgotten it was opening weekend for the highly anticipated Fifty Shades of Grey. We arrived at 6:30 for our science-fiction action movie (because true love can be nerdy, let's just admit), and the ticket window was announcing that the 7 p.m. showing of Fifty Shades was sold out. This didn't really register with me until I walked into the theater. Roughly 200 people, aged 18-60, stood in a specially designated area waiting to be let in to the movie, a cardboard cutout of the movie's two main characters behind them with one word: Curious?
Now, perhaps you read the book; maybe you were in that line Saturday night or one like it - I'm not judging. Curiosity itself is not wrong. Acting on it, indulging it, fantasizing about it...well, that's another story. The older couples I saw standing in that line - maybe they're curious, tired, bored. But I can't believe watching Fifty Shades added any healthy spice to their relationship.
And what did the young couples learn from that movie? Last I heard, feminists were still fighting for equality with men and being treated as people rather than objects. How does a movie whose entire premise is objectifying women help this case? How many people who argue with their pastor over the topic of "submission" in church had no problem with the theme of "submission" in the movie? What did our young men learn from Fifty Shades except that it's acceptable to treat women not as princesses to be respected, fought for, and protected but as objects to be conquered? What did our young women learn except that "love" is not patient, kind, or selfless but domineering, arrogant, and abusive?
So, am I curious? Not at all. I already know that the world is fifty shades of messed-up, selfish, manipulative, hateful, uncaring, & violent. I want a relationship that defies the norm, transcends pettiness, and shows what focusing on fifty shades of love, kindness, patience, selflessness, honesty, and hope can do.
