Not Just Another New Year's Resolution...

2015 was a hard year.

Three people close to me passed away. Two more received life-threatening news. Four more got divorced. Money troubles, world troubles, political troubles...every day seemed like the bearer of more bad news.

But from within the storm of tears and sorrows and fears came glimmering moments of beauty - crystals of perfect moments and memories to take and hold close: celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday, holidays with family reunited after years apart, surprise visits from old friends. 2015 was a hard year but a good one.

As I thought about what I wanted 2016 to look like and bring, the thought came to me about just how much we tend to expect out of life without necessarily giving things back. Everyone wants a better body, better fashion, better possessions, or even just to become an all-around better person without pouring in the necessary time, self-control, and patience required.

Then I thought of my friends who had passed away or whose futures were uncertain - we're always so certain of another tomorrow, another chance, a "someday," a day for when we finally "get around to it." But none of us are promised tomorrow or this afternoon or this next minute. Why do we constantly put off visiting someone, calling someone, smiling at someone we pass when neither of us know what our futures hold?

What if, I thought, I resolve to do something throughout 2016 that will help make the world around me a better place and, by extension, me a better person in the process? Make my "someday" today. Make today the day I finally "get around to it." Take advantage of each of life's moments by living in each moment. Then I came across this in a friend's Facebook feed:

Confirmation!

Last year, I resolved to count 1,000 gifts (three things I had to be thankful for each day that I would usually take for granted), and I did (1,090, to be exact). The change in perspective it brought was amazing and life-altering. And while I still plan on counting blessings and being thankful this year, I wanted to up the ante a bit. 

So each day of 2016, I resolve to do something to better myself and, in turn, better the world around me. It may be a workout, a new recipe, a new book, spiritual insight, a small accomplishment, or a new experience. It doesn't have to be big to change the world. I will share each day what I've done, and I'd love for you to join with me and share what you've done to change your part of the world that day too.

Live in the moment. Change this moment. Savor this moment. 

#ABetter2016 #ABetterMe #LearningtoLoveMyself

Turn, Take, Go

"You have dwelt long enough at this mountain."

Deuteronomy 1:6b 

Ever felt that? That ache, that gnaw, that not-so-subtle nudge in the ribs..."You have dwelt long enough..." 

It's so easy for me to identify with the ancient Israelites, and not just because I often find myself in the constant cycle of forgetting God's goodness, complaining about nothing, ignoring His grace. They lived in an unending state of waiting. Waiting on God, waiting on themselves to take God at His word. I looked up the Hebrew word for "dwelt" today; it literally translates "sit" or "remain." 

I think we all have mountains where we sit - the mountains of insecurity, guilt, anger, fear. Anywhere we feel safe and God won't push us to do anything outside of our comfort zone. And then one day comes the word: enough. 

"Turn and take your journey, and go to the mountains of the Amorites."

Deuteronomy 1:7a 

An imperative sentence is a sentence that gives a command; the subject of an imperative sentence is always the understood (You). This particular imperative sentence has three verbs: Turn. Take. Go. All three verbs share the same subject: You. 

This is not a suggestion or an "if you feel like it." This is a very clear command on the part of God:

1) Turn: We've all heard it before, but to turn towards something, we have to turn our backs on something else. In this case, a mountain. A mountain where we've felt comfortable and safe. A turning towards the unknown. Terrifying, yes?

2) Take: Notice the object of this verb - "journey" - and now notice the adjective - "your." Everyone has a different journey to take in life. Everyone has a different mountain to leave behind. So many times, we have a terrible habit of treating everyone's journeys exactly alike. "You shouldn't struggle with that," "Why would you ever fear that?" But the adage really is true: Be kind to everyone, for everyone fights a battle which you know nothing about. We all have a journey to take.

3) Go: The hardest part. I feel as if I've spent entire seasons of my life just trying to accomplish Steps 1 & 2 - turning my back on my fears and taking the journey. But when we're finally ready? When we're finally sick and tired of living in that cycle? When we agree that, yes, we've dwelt long enough at this mountain? 

"See, I have set the land before you; go in and possess the land."

Deuteronomy 1:8

The Lord has prepared a way. Sometimes He makes it clear to us, and sometimes we have to show faith. But here's the great part: the Promised Land of our future is there, ready for the taking. We don't have to perform some endless list of useless tasks or perform a list of rituals first. In fact, the first thing we have to do is a repeat of an earlier instruction: Go. 

I think God knew going would be the hardest part for us. Taking that first step, then another, and then another. Fighting the fear to turn back. Fighting the voices in our heads telling us we're not good enough, safe enough, smart enough, worthy enough. Turn. Take. Go. Go in and possess the land. 

Not visit. Not camp out. Not hide out in. Possess. With confidence. With surety. The Lord already has it planned out - all we have to do is follow the command to go and confidently possess the gift He is giving us. 

"Look, the Lord your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the Lord God of your fathers has spoken to you; do not fear or be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 1:21

God knows how many times we have to be reminded of something. He knows how hard of hearing, how fearful we tend to be. So He reminds us again: The. Gift. Is. Free. For. The. Taking. 

"The Lord your God has set the land before you."

It's there! Right there! Just over the ridge. Waiting. Waiting for you. 

"Go up and possess it."

Another reminder. You've taken two of the hardest steps: turned your back on the mountain and taken this journey as your own. No comparisons of how the other travelers are doing. Just you, right where you are. Now go.

Go.

Go! 

Three times this command. Like a coach on the sidelines, yelling, screaming, encouraging us onward. Just a little further! You can make it! Don't quit now! 

Stand firm. Possess it. Have confidence. 

"Do not fear or be discouraged."

God knows our weakness. He knows our limitations. He knows the fear that assaults us on all sides. But you've come so far. You've turned. You've taken. Now go. Go and possess. Go and possess! Don't be afraid. Don't be discouraged. The journey is long and hard. The obstacles can seem insurmountable. But remember: the land is already there, ready for the taking. The battle is already won. 

"Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you...you saw how the Lord your God carried you as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place."

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

"Do not...fear...be discouraged...be terrified...be afraid." Four reminders this time. For fear is the strongest inhibitor of all. But notice: another imperative command. Do. Not. 

It's not worth it. It's pointless. It's fruitless. The Lord has already gone before you. He has already prepared the way. You simply have to walk it. 

And in case you're tempted to turn back to that mountain, even now that you've come so far? "The Lord your God carried you as a man carries his son." When you're too weak to walk under your own strength? He. Will. Carry. You. 

He has been with you, fighting, protecting, carrying, all the way up until this place. Whatever "this place" is for you. Defeat. Rock bottom. Afraid to go on. Afraid to go back. Afraid. 

Fellow traveler, take it from this wandering child: Turn. Take. Go. Possess. And do not be afraid.

Fifty Shades of...

My husband & I have been married for almost nine years. To me, that sounds like a drop in the bucket; to some, it sounds like an unbelievable accomplishment. More and more, as the big 1-0 looms on the horizon, I hear things like, You're not getting bored? Seven year itch is nothing compared to ten. How do you all stay so in love? Aren't you curious...? 

That last one gets me. Curious about what? What it's like to love someone else? Snuggle with someone else? Sleep with someone else? It always comes back to sex...I'm never asked if I'm curious what it's like to fight with someone else or pay bills with someone else. And isn't it the bond that's formed in the mundane, the way we react in the height of emotion that shows our true character and commitment? Anyone can put on something slinky and act out of raging hormones for an evening of passion. It's who we are when the sun is up, the make-up is smeared, and we desperately need to shave our legs that means more. 

My husband, Jon, was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, and...well...you know. Without going into detail, because, frankly, it's none of the Internet's business and my family might read this - hi, Mom -, my husband & I have a wonderful relationship in all areas, including the bedroom. Perhaps it's naivete due to inexperience, but I have not been curious to know what it's like to be with someone else because making sure I'm everything my husband needs me to be is a full-time job. There are so many facets to a relationship that don't include the bedroom that fantasizing doesn't make it on my To-Do List. 

And perhaps it was for that reason alone that I was shocked this past Valentine's Day upon walking into the movie theater. We had completely forgotten it was opening weekend for the highly anticipated Fifty Shades of Grey. We arrived at 6:30 for our science-fiction action movie (because true love can be nerdy, let's just admit), and the ticket window was announcing that the 7 p.m. showing of Fifty Shades was sold out. This didn't really register with me until I walked into the theater. Roughly 200 people, aged 18-60, stood in a specially designated area waiting to be let in to the movie, a cardboard cutout of the movie's two main characters behind them with one word: Curious?

Now, perhaps you read the book; maybe you were in that line Saturday night or one like it - I'm not judging. Curiosity itself is not wrong. Acting on it, indulging it, fantasizing about it...well, that's another story. The older couples I saw standing in that line - maybe they're curious, tired, bored. But I can't believe watching Fifty Shades added any healthy spice to their relationship. 

And what did the young couples learn from that movie? Last I heard, feminists were still fighting for equality with men and being treated as people rather than objects. How does a movie whose entire premise is objectifying women help this case? How many people who argue with their pastor over the topic of "submission" in church had no problem with the theme of "submission" in the movie? What did our young men learn from Fifty Shades except that it's acceptable to treat women not as princesses to be respected, fought for, and protected but as objects to be conquered? What did our young women learn except that "love" is not patient, kind, or selfless but domineering, arrogant, and abusive? 

So, am I curious? Not at all. I already know that the world is fifty shades of messed-up, selfish, manipulative, hateful, uncaring, & violent. I want a relationship that defies the norm, transcends pettiness, and shows what focusing on fifty shades of love, kindness, patience, selflessness, honesty, and hope can do.