The "S" Word

Anyone who has been in a meaningful relationship for an extended period of time knows that when fights occur, they are usually over the absolutely dumbest things imaginable. My darling husband and I have know each other 9 years and married for almost 5 of those, and let me tell you: we've had some doozies. But last weekend, it all hit the fan...over a sock. That's right, a sock. Let me tell you about this one...
(And for the record: this is not husband-bashing. I really did learn something about myself that I wanted to pass on because I thought it might benefit you). 

I'm involved with the puppet ministry at our church, and I was part of the skit last Sunday. It had been noted that I needed to find something to cover my arm because it could be seen underneath the puppet, and this ruined the "magic." So, Jon had graciously offered up one of his socks for me to put over my hand and arm to blend in with the black backdrop of the puppet stage. It just so happened that the only black sock Jon owns that is long enough to go up to my elbow is one of his dress socks. In his exuberance (and in trying to get out the door on time to church), Jon pulled out his pocket knife and said he was going to cut a hole for my thumb to stick through for maximum movement and grip. I, being the Scottish tightwad that I am, said, "NO! Don't cut it! I'll just put it over my hand and then you won't lose a pair of socks!" He insisted it was fine, that he had plenty of pairs, and that this would be the best solution. I still saw no need to ruin a perfectly good pair of socks and yelled, "Don't you do it! If you do, I will be SO upset with you!"

It's difficult to convey emotions in writing, but let me just say this: we were both spitting mad by the time we got in the car and drove to church. I had my sock (with no hole), and I had "won," but it was a miserable morning. All through the greeting time (while I wore a fake smile), singing (while my heart wasn't in it at all), and message (while I could barely concentrate), I kept trying to figure out why I felt so crappy. I had saved us money, Jon's socks had a dual purpose...why was my heart in my shoes? 

When we got home, we had a VERY long discussion (which lasted the better part of two hours) and finally got it worked out. Once my anger had simmered down, the reason was clear: I had been un-submissive. "But you were right!" a little voice in my head whispered. In my mind, yes, but in Jon's mind, he was just as right as I was: sacrificing a pair of socks he rarely wore so I could do the best job at my ministry as possible made as much sense to him as saving the socks made to me. He wanted to sacrifice, and I wanted to save. 

I thought about it for a very long time, and at first, it was a very hard concept to come to grips with. I consider myself a very submissive wife, and others have told me that they see me that way too. And after all, I was submitting to him by listening to him, right? I mean, it's not like I was ignoring his arguments; I just wanted it my way, and that was that. What was so wrong with wanting to save money anyway? I'll tell you what: it was my attitude. Yelling at my husband and ordering him not to do something is not what a submissive wife does. Even if my idea had been "better," I still should have gone with his because he's my husband. 

Does that mean I don't get a say? Of course not! He let me voice my opinion, and he wanted to do it his way, and I should have shut my trap. But I was so convinced my idea was better that I had to keep pushing and pushing to get him to see it my way. Ladies, berating your husbands until they comply with your wishes is not submission. That's more along the lines of dictatorship. Women oftentimes bewail the shortage of men "stepping up to the plate" and actually acting like a man. But how many times has our significant other taken a lead, and we've tried to talk him out of it? "Oh, honey, no, it would be much better THIS way." Acting like the puppet master pulling all the strings isn't being submissive either. If I can't submit over a sock, how in the world can Jon believe me when I say I'll submit to him when it comes to raising children or buying a car or a house? 

Submission is rarely taught, mostly because it's considered "taboo." People don't want to step on toes or be seen as "sexist" or "discriminate" so they leave us to define submission for ourselves and blunder our way blindly in the dark. This leaves the door open for sin and the idea that it's a "gray area"; we don't want to misinterpret it, so we're better off leaving it alone. Or we can go too far the other way and be used as doormats by an ungodly husband who has no intention of acting how God has called him to. But ladies, we can do better. Look at the media and how un-submissive women are. Look at how men are portrayed as big, bumbling doofuses. Women are helpmates to our men. God said it was not good for man to be "alone" not "without someone to rule." It's a team effort. But it is ultimately his decision. Our task as women is not an easy one. 

But if we don't start modeling godly submission now, who will? Who will our children mimic? The savvy, smart-alecky sitcom mom who manipulates every situation to her advantage or the godly wife who supports, encourages, and loves her husband through the good, the bad, and the ugly?