The Journey Begins...Better 2016, Better Me, Better Life

What a fantastic start to 2016!

If the Fates had put their heads together to help get this resolution off to a fantastic start, it couldn't have gone any smoother.

We decided to go to Tallulah Gorge State Park to enjoy a nature hike and the first day of the new year. While there, I faced a big fear I've had for years: the suspension bridge.

There are ten gorgeous overlooks at the park, and at one point, visitors walk 620 steps to a suspension bridge with a tendency to sway and swing and generally terrify me. I usually run across it to get to the other side, but today, I forced myself to walk slowly, take my time, look over the sides, and pause to take pictures. Facing that fear right from the get-go! 2016 can't scare me that easily!

That would have been enough, but as we continued our hike, I couldn't help but notice all the garbage strewn on either side of the trail from careless hikers who had gone before us. In the past, I've noticed trash but haven't done anything about it because I shouldn't have to be the world's cleaning lady, right? That's somebody else's job. 

But then I started thinking: if everyone thought that way, the whole world would fall to pieces! Doing as much good as possible in my corner of the world, right? And if I do my part, maybe I can inspire someone else to clean up their portion of the world too. So, nature hike became environmental clean-up hike...

I found a lot more than this, but by that time, my hands were too full for a picture. 

So, there we go: January 1, 2016 is in the record books, the first page in a 365-page story, and we started off great! 

What did you do today? 

#ABetter2016 #ABetterMe

Not Just Another New Year's Resolution...

2015 was a hard year.

Three people close to me passed away. Two more received life-threatening news. Four more got divorced. Money troubles, world troubles, political troubles...every day seemed like the bearer of more bad news.

But from within the storm of tears and sorrows and fears came glimmering moments of beauty - crystals of perfect moments and memories to take and hold close: celebrating my grandmother's 90th birthday, holidays with family reunited after years apart, surprise visits from old friends. 2015 was a hard year but a good one.

As I thought about what I wanted 2016 to look like and bring, the thought came to me about just how much we tend to expect out of life without necessarily giving things back. Everyone wants a better body, better fashion, better possessions, or even just to become an all-around better person without pouring in the necessary time, self-control, and patience required.

Then I thought of my friends who had passed away or whose futures were uncertain - we're always so certain of another tomorrow, another chance, a "someday," a day for when we finally "get around to it." But none of us are promised tomorrow or this afternoon or this next minute. Why do we constantly put off visiting someone, calling someone, smiling at someone we pass when neither of us know what our futures hold?

What if, I thought, I resolve to do something throughout 2016 that will help make the world around me a better place and, by extension, me a better person in the process? Make my "someday" today. Make today the day I finally "get around to it." Take advantage of each of life's moments by living in each moment. Then I came across this in a friend's Facebook feed:

Confirmation!

Last year, I resolved to count 1,000 gifts (three things I had to be thankful for each day that I would usually take for granted), and I did (1,090, to be exact). The change in perspective it brought was amazing and life-altering. And while I still plan on counting blessings and being thankful this year, I wanted to up the ante a bit. 

So each day of 2016, I resolve to do something to better myself and, in turn, better the world around me. It may be a workout, a new recipe, a new book, spiritual insight, a small accomplishment, or a new experience. It doesn't have to be big to change the world. I will share each day what I've done, and I'd love for you to join with me and share what you've done to change your part of the world that day too.

Live in the moment. Change this moment. Savor this moment. 

#ABetter2016 #ABetterMe #LearningtoLoveMyself

Turn, Take, Go

"You have dwelt long enough at this mountain."

Deuteronomy 1:6b 

Ever felt that? That ache, that gnaw, that not-so-subtle nudge in the ribs..."You have dwelt long enough..." 

It's so easy for me to identify with the ancient Israelites, and not just because I often find myself in the constant cycle of forgetting God's goodness, complaining about nothing, ignoring His grace. They lived in an unending state of waiting. Waiting on God, waiting on themselves to take God at His word. I looked up the Hebrew word for "dwelt" today; it literally translates "sit" or "remain." 

I think we all have mountains where we sit - the mountains of insecurity, guilt, anger, fear. Anywhere we feel safe and God won't push us to do anything outside of our comfort zone. And then one day comes the word: enough. 

"Turn and take your journey, and go to the mountains of the Amorites."

Deuteronomy 1:7a 

An imperative sentence is a sentence that gives a command; the subject of an imperative sentence is always the understood (You). This particular imperative sentence has three verbs: Turn. Take. Go. All three verbs share the same subject: You. 

This is not a suggestion or an "if you feel like it." This is a very clear command on the part of God:

1) Turn: We've all heard it before, but to turn towards something, we have to turn our backs on something else. In this case, a mountain. A mountain where we've felt comfortable and safe. A turning towards the unknown. Terrifying, yes?

2) Take: Notice the object of this verb - "journey" - and now notice the adjective - "your." Everyone has a different journey to take in life. Everyone has a different mountain to leave behind. So many times, we have a terrible habit of treating everyone's journeys exactly alike. "You shouldn't struggle with that," "Why would you ever fear that?" But the adage really is true: Be kind to everyone, for everyone fights a battle which you know nothing about. We all have a journey to take.

3) Go: The hardest part. I feel as if I've spent entire seasons of my life just trying to accomplish Steps 1 & 2 - turning my back on my fears and taking the journey. But when we're finally ready? When we're finally sick and tired of living in that cycle? When we agree that, yes, we've dwelt long enough at this mountain? 

"See, I have set the land before you; go in and possess the land."

Deuteronomy 1:8

The Lord has prepared a way. Sometimes He makes it clear to us, and sometimes we have to show faith. But here's the great part: the Promised Land of our future is there, ready for the taking. We don't have to perform some endless list of useless tasks or perform a list of rituals first. In fact, the first thing we have to do is a repeat of an earlier instruction: Go. 

I think God knew going would be the hardest part for us. Taking that first step, then another, and then another. Fighting the fear to turn back. Fighting the voices in our heads telling us we're not good enough, safe enough, smart enough, worthy enough. Turn. Take. Go. Go in and possess the land. 

Not visit. Not camp out. Not hide out in. Possess. With confidence. With surety. The Lord already has it planned out - all we have to do is follow the command to go and confidently possess the gift He is giving us. 

"Look, the Lord your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the Lord God of your fathers has spoken to you; do not fear or be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 1:21

God knows how many times we have to be reminded of something. He knows how hard of hearing, how fearful we tend to be. So He reminds us again: The. Gift. Is. Free. For. The. Taking. 

"The Lord your God has set the land before you."

It's there! Right there! Just over the ridge. Waiting. Waiting for you. 

"Go up and possess it."

Another reminder. You've taken two of the hardest steps: turned your back on the mountain and taken this journey as your own. No comparisons of how the other travelers are doing. Just you, right where you are. Now go.

Go.

Go! 

Three times this command. Like a coach on the sidelines, yelling, screaming, encouraging us onward. Just a little further! You can make it! Don't quit now! 

Stand firm. Possess it. Have confidence. 

"Do not fear or be discouraged."

God knows our weakness. He knows our limitations. He knows the fear that assaults us on all sides. But you've come so far. You've turned. You've taken. Now go. Go and possess. Go and possess! Don't be afraid. Don't be discouraged. The journey is long and hard. The obstacles can seem insurmountable. But remember: the land is already there, ready for the taking. The battle is already won. 

"Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you...you saw how the Lord your God carried you as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place."

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

"Do not...fear...be discouraged...be terrified...be afraid." Four reminders this time. For fear is the strongest inhibitor of all. But notice: another imperative command. Do. Not. 

It's not worth it. It's pointless. It's fruitless. The Lord has already gone before you. He has already prepared the way. You simply have to walk it. 

And in case you're tempted to turn back to that mountain, even now that you've come so far? "The Lord your God carried you as a man carries his son." When you're too weak to walk under your own strength? He. Will. Carry. You. 

He has been with you, fighting, protecting, carrying, all the way up until this place. Whatever "this place" is for you. Defeat. Rock bottom. Afraid to go on. Afraid to go back. Afraid. 

Fellow traveler, take it from this wandering child: Turn. Take. Go. Possess. And do not be afraid.

Fifty Shades of...

My husband & I have been married for almost nine years. To me, that sounds like a drop in the bucket; to some, it sounds like an unbelievable accomplishment. More and more, as the big 1-0 looms on the horizon, I hear things like, You're not getting bored? Seven year itch is nothing compared to ten. How do you all stay so in love? Aren't you curious...? 

That last one gets me. Curious about what? What it's like to love someone else? Snuggle with someone else? Sleep with someone else? It always comes back to sex...I'm never asked if I'm curious what it's like to fight with someone else or pay bills with someone else. And isn't it the bond that's formed in the mundane, the way we react in the height of emotion that shows our true character and commitment? Anyone can put on something slinky and act out of raging hormones for an evening of passion. It's who we are when the sun is up, the make-up is smeared, and we desperately need to shave our legs that means more. 

My husband, Jon, was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, and...well...you know. Without going into detail, because, frankly, it's none of the Internet's business and my family might read this - hi, Mom -, my husband & I have a wonderful relationship in all areas, including the bedroom. Perhaps it's naivete due to inexperience, but I have not been curious to know what it's like to be with someone else because making sure I'm everything my husband needs me to be is a full-time job. There are so many facets to a relationship that don't include the bedroom that fantasizing doesn't make it on my To-Do List. 

And perhaps it was for that reason alone that I was shocked this past Valentine's Day upon walking into the movie theater. We had completely forgotten it was opening weekend for the highly anticipated Fifty Shades of Grey. We arrived at 6:30 for our science-fiction action movie (because true love can be nerdy, let's just admit), and the ticket window was announcing that the 7 p.m. showing of Fifty Shades was sold out. This didn't really register with me until I walked into the theater. Roughly 200 people, aged 18-60, stood in a specially designated area waiting to be let in to the movie, a cardboard cutout of the movie's two main characters behind them with one word: Curious?

Now, perhaps you read the book; maybe you were in that line Saturday night or one like it - I'm not judging. Curiosity itself is not wrong. Acting on it, indulging it, fantasizing about it...well, that's another story. The older couples I saw standing in that line - maybe they're curious, tired, bored. But I can't believe watching Fifty Shades added any healthy spice to their relationship. 

And what did the young couples learn from that movie? Last I heard, feminists were still fighting for equality with men and being treated as people rather than objects. How does a movie whose entire premise is objectifying women help this case? How many people who argue with their pastor over the topic of "submission" in church had no problem with the theme of "submission" in the movie? What did our young men learn from Fifty Shades except that it's acceptable to treat women not as princesses to be respected, fought for, and protected but as objects to be conquered? What did our young women learn except that "love" is not patient, kind, or selfless but domineering, arrogant, and abusive? 

So, am I curious? Not at all. I already know that the world is fifty shades of messed-up, selfish, manipulative, hateful, uncaring, & violent. I want a relationship that defies the norm, transcends pettiness, and shows what focusing on fifty shades of love, kindness, patience, selflessness, honesty, and hope can do. 

The Love Chronicles ~ Psalm 145:20

"The Lord preserves all who love Him,

But all the wicked He will destroy." ~Psalm 145:20

So, yeah, at the end of a long year? Perseverance is a big thing. 

Finally. Year's end. After all the accomplishments, failures, disappointments, and achievements: we made it.

And at the end of it? The only reason we can persevere is because He preserves. 

Preserved us through that trial we thought would swallow us whole. 

Preserved us through that relationship we thought would destroy us. 

Preserved us through the long nights & never-ending days. 

Preserved us through the indecision, ingratitude, incompleteness. 

And how did He preserve us? Through love. Love for us. Out of our love for Him. So on this eve of a new year, what better gift can we give than love? 

Love for the co-worker who drives us up the wall.

Love for the family member who makes us ponder our own sanity. 

Love for the unlovable. 

Love for the forgotten. 

Love for this new year and all the wonders, sadness, and craziness it will bring. 

Love for Him. Love for each other. Only through love will we, can we persevere. 

"There are Far Better Things Ahead - Than Any We Leave Behind" ~Thoughts on Turning the Big 3-0.

Dreading turning thirty has been in the back of my mind roughly since I was fifteen. Fifteen seemed such a mile marker to me - the ability to drive a car, provided there was another adult with me. The world was my oyster - freedom was just a key turn away. I remember feeling so young & free & like I could conquer the world. Thirty seemed so very old.

 

I had such a very long list of things I wanted to accomplish before turning thirty. Thirty to me was the death knell of all things fun & freedom-related where I had to be frumpy & serious & adult-like all the time. I wish I'd kept that list, but I remember certain items: become a published author, go scuba diving in the Caribbean, be a hard-hitting, award-winning journalist, live somewhere like New York City so I could be like Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail." 

This morning, I woke up, and I was thirty. Like I do on every birthday, I waited to feel older, different. And I didn't. I never do. But I've been sitting on my back porch with a cup of coffee for the past hour and a half, and I've reached several realizations I'd like to share:

1.) Thank God being a teenager is over & done with. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen...those were the be-all & end-all numbers. I defined myself by them. By what society told me I was supposed to be like by then. I thought I had it all figured out, and I had no idea how little I really knew. I teach teenagers now, all day every day, and I'm constantly reminded of myself. 

Seriously - nerd. 

2.) Thank goodness for the end of cliques and "cool crowds." In high school, I was as low on the totem pole of coolness as you could get. College was more of the same. There are the sports people, the hipster people, the nature people, the musicians, the beautiful people...and the nerds. But I was a special kind of nerd - possessing little confidence to participate in conversations for fear of looking stupid, so I was a fringe-nerd, feeling as if I belonged nowhere. I recently realized that, as an adult, I'm friends with people who would have either completely ignored or belittled my existence in high school or college, but it's OK now because instead of focusing on the differences, we focus on our friendship. I have nerd friends, cool friends, sports friends, beautiful friends, musician friends, & nature friends now. I, who spent most of my time alone making mixed music cassette tapes & reading. 

Yep - overalls, bangs...*sigh*

3.) Praise the Lord for lifelong girlfriends. Growing up, there were times I thought I'd never have a true friend, a best buddy, someone who would still be my friend when times got tough & tempers flared & my true inner-nerd emerged. But there have been two, & I don't know how I would have made it without them. We've faced some of the best & worst that life had to offer, but I think I can safely say we can make it through anything now. 

 

 

4.) When I was growing up, I would dream about my future husband. I worried, like the prince in "Ever After," that I would never find the one person in this world I was supposed to. I worried that I would miss him, that I would never meet him, that I would completely screw up this whole courtship/dating thing & scare off any possible mate. And I needn't have. I met him in the best way possible: we were friends. Just good friends, then best friends, then something more. All the years I spent worrying, & he came along just when God wanted him to.

5.) Changes are good things. I used to think changes in plans were the worst possible thing that could happen. It meant failure. It meant starting all over. Now I know that changes can bring about some of the best life experiences one can have. Changing my college major from journalism to teaching was terrifying and something I'd said I would never do. But it's been one of the best decisions I could have made. I love my job, love my students, love the experiences. Changing colleges at the last minute was terrifying, but through it, I met my future husband and my best friend. Changes aren't bad. Through them, some of God's greatest gifts can be found. 

6.) I have lived almost all my life feeling inferior - beauty-wise, talent-wise, intelligence-wise. If there is one huge benefit I see to turning thirty, it's that I don't care to feel inferior anymore, I'm going to do my best not to let it happen, & if people don't like me for who I am, well, they don't have to be around me anymore. I'm tired of comparing. I'm tired of living in fear. I'm tired of not having joy. Because when I'm busy comparing, I'm too busy to notice the blessings all around me, the little things, the laughter, all these memories that make up this crazy journey called life. I want to live with my eyes wide open. I want to soak it all in, drink it all up. 

So maybe I'll read this when I turn forty and think, "Man, what did I know then?" Probably. Oh, well. I'm a work in progress. And that's OK. 

The Love Chronicles ~ Psalm 119:165

Psalm 119:165

"Great peace have those who love Your law,

And nothing causes them to stumble." 

"Peace." 

What does that word mean to you? 

For me, it's a bit of a foreign word. When I say it, it feels strange on my tongue...because I say it so rarely and feel it even more rarely. 

"Peace." If I close my eyes and concentrate real hard, I conjure up images of "peace": a still, starry night, water lapping gently on the lake shore, a butterfly floating gently on the breeze among the flowers in the front yard, a lazy picnic lunch on a blanket in the middle of a field. "Peace."

But those moments seem so rare. So elusive. So hard to find and even harder to capture in memory to recall during the crazy, hectic, breakneck speed of everyday life. 

Why is peace so hard to find? 

Why can't I be like the lilies of the field, the birds of the air? 

Why is there always so much preying on my mind, my heart, my soul? 

If I was to re-word this verse and apply it to my everyday life, it would probably read something like, "Great distress, unrest, and worry have those who live life, and everything causes them to freak out." 

But maybe that's just it: we get so caught up in "living life" - the bills, the laundry, the dishes, the grocery shopping, the daily grind, the errands, the housework, the appearing at social functions, the hobbies - that we are forgetting the whole point of life in the first place. The reason we're here. What's meant to keep us going. "LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind" and "LOVE your neighbor as yourself." 

The whole point is love. The whole law can be summed up in one word: LOVE! 

And when I'm stressed and busy and pulled in fifty million different directions at once? Where is there room for love? Where is there room for peace? There's no room because I haven't prioritized it. I haven't put it at the top of my ever-growing To Do List. 

Yes, laundry is a necessity, but will the whole world implode if I never have completely empty laundry baskets downstairs? 

Yes, dishes are needed, but will I be arrested if there are always a few dishes drying in the rack or waiting to be washed on the counter? 

Yes, I need to keep my house so that it's not unsanitary to live in, but Better Homes & Gardens isn't coming to do a photo shoot anytime soon. 

I put so much stress on myself. So much unnecessary stress. I stress the things that don't really matter & that no one's going to care two cents about at the end of my life and forget to invest in the moments that matter. 

"Great peace have those who love Your law" - the Law of Loving. That's all it is. Not some unattainable list of do's and don'ts, but a law of loving as many people as I can as much as I can. 

And here's the promise: "Nothing causes them to stumble." 

Not the unfolded laundry. Not the unscrubbed shower. Not the imperfect flower bed. 

No guilt. No worry. No fear. 

Nothing can cause me to stumble when my eyes are fixed on the One guiding me Home.